Stand By Me
by MyMagentaPeach
Summary: 4x21 FILLER: Kurt and Blaine stay a little longer at the Lima Bean after Mike and Mercedes have left. And Kurt fights to not get overwhelmed. He cannot let go, not today, of feeling safe, feeling safe with Blaine.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Simply a little filler, because I think Kurt and Blaine physically got a little closer than all of the episode suggested really.

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**Stand By Me**

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**Chapter 1**

They stay a little longer, Mike and Mercedes already on their way to the McKinley auditorium to spend the afternoon before tomorrow's Glee trying to figure out ways how to combine most efficiently their dance and singing lessons for the group of highschoolers.

Sitting quietly, finishing their second round of coffee together, feels strange and good and … confusing.

And somehow Kurt cannot help being reminded of that time they had sat in this very same building on edge both of them after Blaine had agreed to go out with Rachel, years ago now, but pain has a way of staying fresh, resurfacing, and everything is different now, so different from two years ago, but there is a tension Kurt cannot help shake that feels so very much like that very afternoon he had thought he had lost Blaine forever without ever really having had him, without ever having been allowed to hold him and kiss him and _love_ Blaine the way he really really wanted to.

And maybe it is just because it feels so much like the fear of losing his dad does right now, but Kurt cannot help think '… maybe it's not that, not that at all.'

Kurt knows to everyone else it looks the way it does to Tina, like Kurt is the one holding back, pulling away, giving Blaine the cold shoulder. Funny enough, only Blaine does not seem to feel that way.

Sure Kurt only has Blaine's firm hold of his hand to go by, but … but there is something in the way Blaine holds his hand, there has always been something in the way Blaine holds Kurt's hands, that has Kurt know, 'He sees it, sees right through,' Blaine sees.

It is only when they walk out of the Lima Bean, Blaine taking hold of Kurt's hand again even firmer than before, after they have both shrugged on their jackets, that Kurt pulls back, overwhelmed, suddenly, almost runs over to his car, fumbling with the keys, unable to even find the lock, Blaine catching up with him.

It is such a soft sound, "Kurt."

Kurt is still standing facing the door as his hands go slack at his sides and both boys hear the sound of keys hitting the concrete.

Blaine stands helpless for a second, unsure what to do. "Kurt?"

Kurt just stands, head hanging, unable to face Blaine.

Blaine can see the hands trembling at Kurt's sides.

Something feels wrong about holding hands right now, too intimate, too intruding. So Blaine takes one step forward, molds himself against Kurt's back, and arms coming around Kurt's waist and chest offers hold.

They stand there when Kurt slumps forward slightly, Blaine's arms strong around him.

And they keep standing there, almost rooted to the spot, when Kurt lifts his hands and buries his face in his palms.

And Blaine keeps holding on when Kurt's body is racked with sobs, presses a kiss to Kurt's neck before he says, "It's okay, it's okay to be scared."


	2. Chapter 2

**Stand by me**

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**Chapter 2**

Minutes later Kurt finally turns around in Blaine's arms, arms clinging to Blaine instantly.

"Please. Please, please, please. Blaine. Please stay with me tonight? Please?" It's only sobs and tears, and a pleading mess of words torn.

"Are you sure?"

"Please, Blaine, please! I … I can't. Please! I can't be alone tonight, please. Oh, please!"

"Shh. Shh. Kurt. I love you."

"I love you too. Please. Please stay."

Blaine nods into Kurt's shoulder, "I will. Kurt. I'm here. I'm here."

Blaine leaves his car at the Lima Bean, gives his parents a call to say he is staying with a friend tonight who needs him. Then he drives them to Kurt's.

Burt is not surprised to see them coming through the door together. He does not comment on how forced Kurt's smile looks tonight all through dinner. He does not protest when Kurt says Blaine will be staying the night. Burt does not even mention the guest room once.

Blaine is fully prepared to have a blubbering mess in his arms as soon as they enter Kurt's room a while after dinner. Only he does not. Kurt is composed, high strung, sure, but composed. The time in the Lima Bean parking lot already a fuzzy memory, as if it had never happened.

If anything the routinely movements with which Kurt undresses until he stands in only his boxers in the room with Blaine, has Blaine frightened. There is nothing whatsoever sexual about it, not in that moment.

Kurt just cannot care tonight, is too exhausted to care at all. He, face still set firmly, grabs a pair of PJs from his dresser and heads into the bathroom.

When he returns fourteen minutes later Blaine sits still dressed, except for cardigan, shoes and socks, at the end of the bed.

"Are they new?" Blaine asks when he looks up at the sound of the bathroom door opening.

"Sorry?"

"Your PJs, are they new? I don't remember you having light blue PJs." Not that Blaine has seen a lot of Kurt's PJs lately.

"Oh, yeah, I … it's …, it's not important."

"Oh. Okay," Blaine knows better than to push anything tonight. "Can I borrow a pair?"

"PJs?"

"Mmh."

"Sure," Kurt replies, rummaging for a moment in his suitcase, before holding out two pairs, "Pale yellow or a light lavender color?"

And now Blaine is beginning to see a theme, he does not comment on it though. "Lavender sounds lovely."

"Here."

"Thank you."

Seventeen minutes later they both sit in their nightwear on Kurt's bedcovers, Kurt fidgeting with his hands and nervously glancing over at the clock, before he finally gives in to tapping at his nose.

Blaine searches out his eyes, "Why are you doing that?"

Kurt just heaves a breath, "Never mind."

"I do though."

"Nerves, okay? I am nervous, … scared."

"And the sugar packs at the Lima Bean?"

"Blaine, I just, I … I'm all over the place, I need something to keep my mind occupied. Don't judge?"

"Not judging. Not judging at all, I promise," Blaine says softly, scooting closer, reaching out a hand and carding it through Kurt's hair, loose, free from all product, like Blaine's too now, all gel washed out moments ago in the bathroom, together with the grim of the day.

Kurt looks up, letting out a stuttering breath, "Blaine." And then there are tears gathering in his eyes, and Blaine cannot help take Kurt in his arms, ears almost instantly filled with Kurt's pleas, "Please, please Blaine, please."

Blaine is not sure what Kurt is exactly asking for, so he starts out slow, opens one then two buttons on the lightblue PJs.

Blaine's right hand gently pushing the fabric on Kurt's left shoulder aside, Kurt's breath stutters when Blaine's lips trace Kurt's collarbone, the press of his lips soft. "Blaine?"

Blaine's hands tenderly move from Kurt's shoulders up to Kurt's cheeks, caress the skin wet with tears, then their eyes meet, Kurt's red-rimmed, Kurt looking so young and lost.

"Blaine?"

"What do you need?" Blaine asks softly as his right hand runs over and over gently through Kurt's hair. "What do you need, Love?"

"I don't … I … Blaine, please."

"Kurt, I can't just, … please tell me what you need."

It is a choked desperate sound, "Help me forget? Please? Please! I need, I need to …. I want to be happy again. Being with you, mmmaking love with you …." Kurt looks down, blinks away tears heavy.

"Kurt?"

"Please! I want to be that happy again."

At the wedding, in that hotel room everything had be desperate and fast, both of them on edge and so damn horny.

Tonight could not be more different.

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A/N: I think there will be a third chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thank you everyone for reviewing. I had not anticipated this amount of love for this tiny filler.

Someone asked about why this story is listed as complete. It's because with short stories/fillers like this one I never quite know if and when I will write more, my regular readers (HI GUYS!:) know that without me spelling it out, I think, I hope. Am I wrong? Also, this kind of story often feels complete to me when I post it, but then I get new ideas and write more, sometimes a day, sometimes two months later. So yeah, I guess that was a little insight into me writing. Any other questions, anyone? I love talking to all of you, especially about writing, of course I am here for other stuff too.

xo M

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**Stand By Me **

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**Chapter 3**

Kurt is desperately clinging to Blaine when Blaine eases the both of them carefully into a lying position on Kurt's bed.

Kurt buries his head, eyes squeezed shut tight, in Blaine's warm embrace, "Need to feel you. Please. Blaine, I… I need to feel …."

Blaine, after placing a long, lingering kiss to Kurt's forehead, gets up off the bed and turns of the lights, only leaving on a small bedside lamp providing a soft shine.

When he lies back down with Kurt, it is at first only their hands and foreheads that touch, breathing at first evening out slowly.

They move closer to each other as Kurt reaches out to rest a hand over Blaine's chest, feeling for his heartbeat, and Blaine answers Kurt's unspoken question by reaching out with his left hand to cup Kurt's right cheek, caressing it softly.

Their eyes meet, and for a moment they are both moving in for a kiss, but before they know it Kurt's breathing stutters and a moment later he is buried deep in Blaine's chest, whole body curled up, and Blaine's left hand gently cupping Kurt's head, offering hold once more today.

It is a broken whisper, almost an apology, "Blaine …."

"Shh. It's okay, you don't need to explain anything. It's okay," Blaine hums softly, thinking that tonight he will have to listen extra closely for the meaning in the way Kurt caries his own body and mind, in any way, in all ways. Because maybe tonight Kurt does not know how to ask for what he needs, but that does not mean he is not trying to let Blaine know.

Kurt still cannot bring out more than a torn whisper, "Thank you."

The dark has just fully settled outside the windows, and they know – they know they have all night to forget all that is out there, in that world … outside of each other's arms.

It is a world both of them not fully know how to more than exist in, … yet. They have both not really been willing to learn how to do that, when they are honest with themselves, each other.

They are trying, however. They are reaching for a future, but it is not a future apart, because no matter what each of them individually pictures, this house, that bed, the lips they are kissing, the lips they dream of being allowed, being longed to kiss, every day, they stay each other's.

"Kurt, you're freezing. Your lips are violet already, almost blue."

"I'm fine."

But Kurt just said that with breath cutting and limbs trembling, and Blaine is listening to that language that has no words, is listening for what Kurt does not dare ask for, not sex, this is not about sex. Intimacy, love, is so much bigger than just that bodily exercise in basic plumbing.

Blaine, somehow, pulling Kurt closer, manages to shift their combined weight so that after a small fight with the covers they are buried neck high in fabric soft but for now still cold. And Blaine … Blaine is worried by the small whimpers he can hear Kurt trying to hide in the space where his head is buried in his own arms now against Blaine's chest.

Blaine tries his best, hands moving along the fabric of Kurt's PJs, wherever he can reach, over and over, to rub some warmth into Kurt's still cold and stiff limbs. But Kurt just keeps shaking harder and harder, and Blaine is fairly certain by now, '… this is not just about feeling cold.'

Kurt feels like he cannot move, his muscles are clenched so tight around his bones, he cannot stop shaking either. "Blaihhne," he gasps out. "I …, need you, need you so much."

And then Blaine does what he has only dared do once before, it was in that week after their first time, when they had both felt permanently high on adrenaline, brave, and adventurous. He reaches between the two of them and just rips, does not bother with actually opening buttons or asking for permission, Blaine just rips the long-sleeved pyjama shirt completely open, warm hands instantly on Kurt's too cold skin, pulling Kurt close.

Kurt can feel the first real breath, deep and actually providing his body with oxygen, pass and enter his own lips, as Blaine guides his hands, already a third time, splayed wide, first down and then up Kurt's back.

"Relax, Baby. Just breathe," Blaine hums into Kurt's left ear, still holding him so close to his own chest, he cannot see Kurt's face, can only go by what Kurt's body allows him to learn about the well-being of the person he still cares most about in his life, yes, even all these months after the break up. And Blaine cannot see that after changing, does not want to either.

Between both boys' breathing evening out, there is still the sound of desperate whimpers escaping Kurt's lips again and again, like he is unable, despite trying, too hard, to hold in whatever they truly are.

All Blaine can do is try – try to keep his hands moving as gentle as he knows how, try to give Kurt the hold he needs, without suffocating him, try to let Kurt feel the one thought running on repeat in Blaine's head, 'I love you, I'm here, I'm here.' "I'm here. Not going anywhere. I'm right here, Kurt. Right here. I love you so much, Baby, so so much. I'm here."

And then Blaine feels goosebumps all over Kurt's skin, hears half a second later the wet whisper, "I need you. I need you, Blaine. Blaine. Blaine, I need you."

Blaine hates letting go, hates leaving Kurt's body, still cold – even if it is just for one moment. Only when Blaine pulls his own PJ top over his head does he realize, 'Idiot, you could just have done that with Kurt's top too.' But, it is too late for that now, and so Blaine does not waste too much attention on that thought.

Blaine, offering the full, bare warmth of his chest to Kurt, is relieved when Kurt allows it, closeness, warmth, needed.

With Kurt's arms slung tight around Blaine's waist, it takes Blaine quite a while to coax Kurt out of the PJ top, now missing several buttons, caught still loosely on his shoulders. Blaine guides Kurt back down into the soft cushions a moment later, onto his back, so that Blaine, hovering above him can finally find his eyes again. "Kurt, I'm right here. I'm here," Blaine places a single kiss onto Kurt's chest, "I'm here."

Eyes finding each other's again, Blaine cups Kurt's left cheek with his right hand, and runs his left hand, deliberate but careful, up and down Kurt's right side – waits; waits for a word, a look, a smile, an answer, a question … anything, anything at all, from the man lying with him, heart racing.

Kurt reaches up and pulls Blaine down, right on top of him, clinging tight, "Hold me, please, hold me?"

Blaine lets out a stuttering breath of relief, as their bodies settle with each other, "I'm here, Kurt. Always."


	4. Chapter 4

**Stand By Me**

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**Chapter 4 **

It is the first time waking up together since New York, last October.

When Kurt reenters full consciousness Blaine is cuddled into his side, left hand splayed tenderly on Kurt's upper belly, right hand resting close to Kurt's head, and Kurt just knows Blaine had fallen asleep last night caressing his hair, comforting him.

Kurt sucks in a harsh breath, ripping into his chest, and shifting his whole body to the onlooker subtly, to Blaine lying so close to Kurt it might as well have been an earthquake.

Blaine looks dazed when he jerks up into a half sitting position, "I'm up. I'm up mom."

Kurt smiles for a brief moment, untainted, that is until his vision is clouded with his own tears.

Blaine is lying by his side again a second later, "Hey, what is it? My wild, tangled mess of hair always used to make you grin like crazy whenever I slept over. Especially after sex," Blaine attempts a cheeky grin.

Kurt reaches over and tangles his right hand in Blaine's curls, as the tears still keep coming, "I miss you so much." Kurt cuddles closer to Blaine, rests his head on Blaine's bare chest as his right hand slides to the nape of Blaine's neck, "Bruce is just not … you."

"Bruce?" Blaine asks, nerves clear in his voice.

"My … my boyfriend-pillow. I was feeling so alone, I missed sleeping with, well, you, and so I bought a boyfriend-pillow." Blaine cannot help the wide smile. "Stop it! I know you are smirking right now," Kurt says, pressing his body closer to Blaine's still, his voice filling with more and more sadness with every new word now, "I could hardly sleep at all the first months in New York, especially after our break up. The new sounds, all those sounds at night, and … empty, my bed was just so empty."

"I know, after that summer together … I … it got better after I got a giant pillow to wrap myself around," Blaine hums, understanding.

"Are you saying I am a giant pillow?" Kurt says, almost smiling again through the last tears leaving his eyes.

"I am saying: I miss you too. So much!"

In the quiet all the answer Blaine gets is when Kurt's hands start to wander, followed by a whisper, "Blaine?"

"Yes?" Blaine whispers, barely audible back, afraid to rip this moment apart with one wrong word, any sound at all.

"Kiss me?" Kurt asks now looking up at Blaine from Blaine's chest.

"Really?"

"Yes, please," Kurt hums, a little braver now, though voice and words still shaking.

As Kurt slides up, chests pressing warm and soft against each other, under the covers still lying over them, Kurt lays his head down with Blaine's on one pillow, Blaine can barely breath anymore at all as he leans in and Kurt does too, the boys connecting their lips.

In the next minutes hands move from backs, caressing the skin onto cheeks then tangle in hair, holding each other close, as the only thing interrupting the minutes long kiss and caresses are gasps for air.

Pulling apart, Blaine has only a brief moment to take in Kurt's flushed face, reddened lips and sleep-mussed hair.

All Blaine can do is gasp as Kurt's head disappears under the covers and a mere second later he feels Kurt's breaths on his skin and kisses placed all over his chest.

"Kurt,Kurt? Are you, Kurt, are you sure we should be doing this. You are upset and ... ."

Kurt appears again from under the covers, even more flushed now, his movements driving more warmth into both boys' bodies. Kurt moves in for a deep kiss, tongue tracing Blaine's lips, caressing Blaine's tongue in his mouth, sucking Blaine's tongue into his own, causing Blaine to emit a wanton moan. Then Kurt is pressing all of his body into Blaine's, arms wrapping from under Blaine's arms around his shoulders, as he pulls himself as close as he physically can, flush against Blaine's body, whispering in Blaine's ear, I want to feel you. I need to feel you, Blaine."

Blaine shudders under Kurt's touch, consumed by Kurt's words, bringing his own arms around Kurt's middle and pushing back into Kurt's embrace, hands splayed on Kurt's back again, like they had been the previous night, caressing.

Blaine flexes his hands as he feels Kurt's heartbeat pushing against both their chests, knows it means Kurt must be feeling his as well, hammering away. For so long Blaine could only dream about this.

Just as they are both feeling their already half-hard members pressing into each other's hips, with one more shift, where their legs are tangled, Kurt stops moving altogether, breathing and heartbeat suddenly speeding far beyond the pace of their make out.

"Hey, hey," Blaine coos, lifts his head, from Kurt's shoulder where it had rested, placing kisses along Kurt's neck, "Too much? Do you want us to stop?"

Blaine finds Kurt's eyes, finds Kurt biting his lip as he looks back at Blaine, eyes glassy, "No! No, please, don't stop. Please don't stop holding me."

"Kurt, we don't have to have sex for me to hold you."

"I need you, Blaine," Kurt only brings out. "Need you."

"What do you need from me, Kurt?" Blaine asks, looking worried. He is not here to get anything, to push anything, just wants to give, give comfort and warmth, hold, to remind Kurt he does not have to feel alone, he has him, "You already have me, Kurt. You don't have to do anything, just let me love you. Let me give you what _you_ need today, right now."

Kurt's grip on Blaine's shoulders tightens again, as Kurt pushes back into the warmth of Blaine's embrace like he had before, just moments ago. Blaine cannot see his face anymore, again, but he can feel Kurt's voice softly saying into his ear, "Can you …. Do you remember our first time when, when we had all this time, and we just lay there, in boxers and nothing else for hours and you just, and I was on my belly and you just kept …."

Kurt feels all out of breath as Blaine squeezes him tighter and starts running his hands slow and gentle up and down Kurt's back, pressure firm, grounding Kurt's insides, hands soft and warm, and Kurt's breath hitches again and again until it sounds like Kurt is almost sobbing.

Blaine, worried, asks, "Like this?" After Kurt has grown almost eerily quiet, except for the occasional hitch in his breathing. Kurt had reacted so dofferently to this touch, Blaine's touch, the night of their first time - hums soft and full of contentment.

"Yes. Yes, please, don't let go, don't stop," Kurt says in that set broken voice that has Blaine knowing this is Kurt as vulnerable and open as he ever has felt, as he ever has been when they had been together.

Being rocked like this in Blaine's embrace, Blaine's hands tiredlessly holding and caressing, Kurt's breathing eventually evens out in deep relaxation, Kurt humming breathy into Blaine's ear before he slips into a deep, calm sleep, cradled completely in Blaine's embrace, "Close. I want you. I need you close, Blaine."

Blaine closes his own eyes, hands still moving, warming Kurt's skin and insides. Being Kurt's place of rest, Blaine has never felt more intimately conncected to the boy is his arms, whispering softly "My one true love." Blaine cannot imagine ever thinking differently about this boy, this young man lying with him, ever again.

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A/N: I honestly set out in the story, expecting myself loving smut to be part of it, but Kurt and Blaine lead me here instead, despite Blaine, apparently, thinking that Kurt is dirty cute:)


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